With Friends Like These...

A synonym for friend is ally. Definable as a person who associates or cooperates with another - a supporter. BUT, when you change up the spelling and add a pharma-spin to it, it becomes Alli, the new FDA approved, over-the-counter weight loss drug. It is basically a half dose of the prescription drug Xenical. What was once available only with a doctor's prescription and only for the morbidly obese, is now available at Wal-Mart, Target, Walgreens, et al, for the the bargain price of $59.99 (MSRP).

But do your research and bring some extra cash, because to safely use this product, you really need to purchase a few extras. Like some Depends Adult Undergarments. Apparently, if you go over the recommend allowance of 15 grams of fat per meal, you might crap yourself. It might just be some "orange oily discharge," or it might a full-blown toxic incident. Either way, I would imagine you will ruin a pair of pants. And the chair you are sitting in. And the day of any person within a 5 foot radius.

The best part it is the message board on the Alli website, where people discuss their "treatment effects." Here are a few of my favorite quotes:

I went out to eat Japanese stir fry and had my first "accident" - (shall we call it "Alli-opps" now?) before I could get home. I had uncontrollable oily seepage...

You cannot get it out of your clothes so I would encourge you to use a panty liner until you find out how you react to the medication. If you are sitting down, whatever you are sitting on will be stained. . so be careful.

Has anyone noticed an odor? I swear I have a weird odor to me now.

but i guess i had some effects while passing gas and let me tell you...i didn't even know it happend till i took my pants off at the end of the day....

There are so many more, but that really sums it up. What did really disturb me was that I came across a poster who mentioned that she had dropped 4.5 pounds already! Way to go, right?? Well, she started out at 131, and now she's down to 127. Wouldn't she have to be about 2 feet tall for that to be overweight enough to consider this product.

It's complete aversion therapy. I would rather pay some (handsome) guy to punch me in the face every time I went over 15 grams of fat in a meal before I would pay to crap my pants.

I will say that I was actually hesitant to post this. I know that some people have legitimate weight problems and that they really do need medical help in weight loss. I would be a hypocrite if I ridiculed people for getting outside help (card-carrying member of Weight Watchers, four years strong). But it just seem that there is a better way than paying for orange oily discharge.