Feeling

I ran on Thursday and it was all good. Still a bit sore from it even. Love that feeling.

Normally, my girl goes down to sleep at 7 pm, no tears involved. It's now 8:35 and she's crying like there's no tomorrow. We've gone through the usual checklist and it's going to be a cry-it-out night. Funny how those never bothered me when she was 4 months old. At the time I frankly didn't care if she cried. I guess we have bonded more in the last two months, because sitting down here watching the red lights on the baby monitor bounce up and down (we dropped the sound down about an hour ago) is fairly torturous. If I go in there, she will stop crying, slowly smile up and me and even giggle. A sign that nothing is wrong other than she just doesn't want to go to bed.

Two things that are making me thankful for the screaming tonight.

This morning I got the news that the brother of an old friend passed away. I can't say that I've seen this young man in like 15 years, but it was still the kind of jarring news that makes you thankful for everything in your life, including the 13 screaming pounds upstairs. I ache for her family and I hope he has some peace now.

The second thing was a blog post. The rundown: a young mother is excitedly expecting her second daughter. Everything, including champagne for a toast and two delivery room photographers, was present. Don't worry - this doesn't have a sad ending. The young mother gives birth to a beautiful and perfect daughter.

A perfect daughter who has Down's Syndrome. I don't know what about this story moved me so much. Maybe it was the picture of the sweet little girl with the caption "Love me. Love me. I'm not what you expected, but oh, please love me", maybe the writer's complete honesty about her feelings initially ("I want to run away") and how, despite the fact that her image of her perfect family was forever changed, she is now head over heels in love with her new girl. Maybe I felt some of the same kinds of feelings (Can I run away?) for my completely healthy and chromosomally correct daughter. And though it has taken me about about six months, and though she is still crying up in her nursery, I feel like all is well for my family.

I don't often post feelings like this, but give your loved ones an extra kiss tonight.

It is much easier to find the energy to get out for a run when your baby is sleeping through the night. The holidays, plus teething (maybe), plus a random fever and a bit of the sniffles made for a craptacular week last week. For her and for us. But she seems to be returning to my "sleep for 12 consecutive hours" baby, so things are looking up.

The wicked cold temps sent me back to the cardio room today. I should have known it would be packed. And two of the four treadmills are broken. So I did elliptical and leg work this afternoon.

I am headed to NYC this weekend for my sister's wedding. I really really want to get up on Saturday AM to go on a group run with the NY Road Runners Club at Central Park. But the high that day is 22. I really don't think it will happen. But it would be a nice thing to be able to say that I've done.

That time of (new) year

Oh what a fun time of year. Resolution time. So much hope, promise. Wait until about early February when those have all fallen by the wayside and many of us resolutioners are sitting right where we are tonight. So what kinds of resolutions can I come up with?

1. Figure out this whole mom thing. Well, this one isn't so much as resolution as "you have no other choice, so make it work." And I am sure that this will be my number one resolution for the rest of my life. Can't you just see me Jan 1, 2088 (I would be 109 years old. I may be overly-optimistic about my life expectancy) making this exact same resolution.

2. Oh the running. I would like to be a runner again.

3. Promote/market myself. Right now I call myself a freelancer, but really I just have one big contract that takes up about 9-10 months out of my year. If I lose that nugget, I will go from "freelancer" to "broke." So I would like to get some more gigs. Branch out a bit. I do lovelovelove the sports video, but I've done other topics before and it might be nice to try again. Maybe a documentary or something. And suggestions for topics?

4. Eat more vegetables. I have this resolution every year. This one might actually be harder for me than the mom resolution.

Those are pretty much the top four. There is really no "how do I do this" to resolutions two through four. I know how to do those things, it's just a matter of doing it. Once upon a time I signed myself up for a marathon and then, shock of shocks, I actually did it. So I know that I can start things and then finish them. I just have to remember to make myself keep on keepin' on.

Happy new year all! And here's a picture of my baby. Just 'cause.

A Very Good Place to Start

It's like riding a bike. But figuratively. I hit the pavement yesterday REALLY for the first time since bebe girl came along. I had done a few runs right after I got the okay from the D-O-C, but I was not in the best place and running was the last thing I wanted to be doing.

Fast-forward to now and I am in a mucho better place. I actually like my child for one. It just took me a while to get past the "what is the return policy on this item" with her. Maybe it's the sleep that we all get now, or the fact that her little personality is coming out, but I'm finding out that she's actually quite awesome.

But this post isn't meant to be totally about bebe girl. It's about teaching my body to do this running thing again. My last significant run was probably in May, when I was about 25 weeks pregnant. My body told me it was time to stop, and I did. But yesterday was time to get back out and it was like being a brand-new runner all over again. I picked a rough day outside - 30 degrees, breezy. And even more breezy when the route is alongside a somewhat major river. But I bundled up according to what Runner's World said I should wear for such conditions, stopped and purchased a pair of gloves on my way, and hit the trail. The fist six minutes or so were pretty solid. Then I had to throw in some walk breaks. But the final tally on the run was 30 minutes. 30 minutes back to myself.

Here's to 30 more minutes tomorrow. And maybe a few blog updates as well!

New Hotness

I am thinking I may have used this blog title before, and for probably about the exact same topic. Behold, the new hotness ...

I was hoping to get out tonight once baby girl went to sleep. But I ended up watching Marley and Me for the first time, so I opted to spend my evening taking the dog for a long walk instead. He also got to eat a whole mess of leftover ravioli tonight too.

***This should have posted last Wednesday, but it didn't for some reason. Dog has been on lots of long walks, but no runs yet!

exhale

I feel as though I made that last post two years ago instead of two weeks ago. It's been a busy time here, and (thankfully) the baby is changing quite a bit. She's actually smiling now and being as social as 8 week old babies can be. Whatever it is that she's doing, it's working. I've stopped resenting (and sometimes worse emotions) her. Slowly I came to like her, and today, in my jubilation at the fact that she was napping in her crib FOR TWO WHOLE HOURS, I realized that I had just been staring at her sleeping for a good five minutes. Some mothers feel that bond the minute their new baby is placed on their chest. I am content and will sleep well tonight knowing that my daughter and I are getting there, slowly but surely.

Thank you, Doctor

Not only have I been given the green light to resume running, I have actually had it given to me in prescription form as a combatant to the lingering baby blues. I wonder if I can somehow apply my insurance/co-pay to that new pair of shoes I tried on the other day?

Things that are making me happy right now

1. My daughter has been napping in her crib for 40 whole minutes. I love this.

2. The other night when I took the dog out for I walk I accidentally ended up running about a half mile. I can't even explain how good it made me feel.

3. My doctor approved me to take a very small dosage of Ambien at night. It's safe to take while breastfeeding and it means that I will actually be able to sleep when the little one does.

4. The weather is starting to get a teeny bit cooler.

5. My post-partum follow-up appointment is on Monday morning. On Monday afternoon I will purchasing new running shoes. YAY!

28 days

Wow, we have survived the first four weeks. And I'll be one of those folks that says "OMG time has flown by, I can't believe it's been 4 weeks." Baby girl is doing well. She's only getting up two times a night, and she even gives me a nice 4-hour stretch of sleep during the first part of the night. According to the kitchen scale, she's up to 6 lbs, 15 oz. That's up 20 oz. from her birth weight - good job boobies! And now that she's grown a bit, she finally fits into all some of all those wicked cute baby clothes. Good for baby fashion, bad for my wallet!

Takin' what they're giving ...

... cause I'm workin' for a living.

As a freelancer/contract employee, I don't really technically get maternity leave. I'll get paid the same for the year no matter what. It's nice, but at the same time I don't want to completely leave my employers out to dry, especially at this uber-busy time of the year. So when boss man called me up 14 days post-partum and asked if I felt up to editing some stuff for the first football game, I said okay. In retrospect, I have a feeling I agreed more in an attempt to get some normalcy in my day. It was also a good justification for the purchasing of the MacDaddy computer last spring. This is why we got they computer - I can work at home. As my deadline was approaching and my baby cried all afternoon yesterday I was very much regretting my decision to take on anything other than my full dance card of diaper changing and boob-offering. But Hubs came in last night and took over baby girl and I got some work done. And it did exactly what I had hoped: I felt so normal. I enjoyed my work. I still had a bit to finish up this morning, and baby girl wanted to be held - like every parent in the history of the world has done, we figured it out.

We finished up, headed over to the stadium and did a little more work. In related news, I love our Baby Bjorn.