Weak White Woman

It's chilly here in Nashville today. I brought some cold weather gear with me, but I still opted for the hotel fitness center. The treadmill though seemed to have an incline no matter how many times I hit the down arrow. It even read the incline as "zero" but I could swear that it was at least still at a three. I ran about 30 seconds before I abandoned it for the elliptical. But then that machine was all funky too. It worked like a top, but it was just weird feeling. It's not as crappy as the one I usually work out on, so that must have just thrown my legs for a loop. I did that machine for about 2 minutes. Maybe my body knew that I had already showered once today, and it was rebelling at any activity that would require another shower later on. Eh, some days you just aren't feelin' it.

A very amusing blog was passed along to me yesterday. Stuff White People Like - very funny, and spot-on, stuff. Of the current 73 items, I dig more of them than I care to mention. There were of course a few things I have a complete dislike for, most glaringly item #52, Sarah Silverman. I don't care for the "Wait, why are you laughing. Oh, is what I'm saying funny? I didn't realize it." shtick. I am not a prude, and I can appreciate offensive things, but I just don't care for her delivery. Or her jokes. Although I do love equally acceptable "alternative" comic David Cross. Ahh, Tobias. And as far as Tobias is concerned, see item #38, Arrested Development.

But like most white people, I love irony (#50), kitchen gadgets (#53), expensive sandwiches (#63), dogs (#53), and 80's Night (#29). Were I at home, I would scan a picture of an absolutely awesome 80's Night from college to prove my love of 80's Night.

And OF COURSE, running is on there - item #27, Marathons:

In life, there are certain milestones of physical activity that can define you. A sub 5 second 40 yard dash, a 40 inch vertical leap and so forth. To a white person, the absolute pinnacle of fitness is to run a marathon. Not to win, just to run.

White people will train for months, telling everyone who will listen about how they get up early in the morning, they run when it rains, how it makes them feels so great and gives them energy.

When they finish the marathon, they will generally take a photo of themselves in a pair of New Balance sneakers, running shorts, and their marathon number with both hands over their head in triumph (seriously, look it up, this is universal).

They will then set goals like running in the Boston Marathon or the New York Marathon.

If you find yourself in a situation where a white person is talking about a marathon, you must be impressed or you will lose favor with them immediately. Running for a certain length of time on a specific day is a very important thing to a white person and should not be demeaned.

Also worth nothing, more competitive white people prefer triathlons because Kenyans can’t afford $10,000 specialty bicycles. If the subject ever comes up, just say that triathletes are in better shape than football and basketball players. It’s not true, but it will make the conversation a lot more genial.

I would write more, but there is a Whole Foods just down the road and I need to check it out.