I ran on Thursday and it was all good. Still a bit sore from it even. Love that feeling.

Normally, my girl goes down to sleep at 7 pm, no tears involved. It's now 8:35 and she's crying like there's no tomorrow. We've gone through the usual checklist and it's going to be a cry-it-out night. Funny how those never bothered me when she was 4 months old. At the time I frankly didn't care if she cried. I guess we have bonded more in the last two months, because sitting down here watching the red lights on the baby monitor bounce up and down (we dropped the sound down about an hour ago) is fairly torturous. If I go in there, she will stop crying, slowly smile up and me and even giggle. A sign that nothing is wrong other than she just doesn't want to go to bed.

Two things that are making me thankful for the screaming tonight.

This morning I got the news that the brother of an old friend passed away. I can't say that I've seen this young man in like 15 years, but it was still the kind of jarring news that makes you thankful for everything in your life, including the 13 screaming pounds upstairs. I ache for her family and I hope he has some peace now.

The second thing was a blog post. The rundown: a young mother is excitedly expecting her second daughter. Everything, including champagne for a toast and two delivery room photographers, was present. Don't worry - this doesn't have a sad ending. The young mother gives birth to a beautiful and perfect daughter.

A perfect daughter who has Down's Syndrome. I don't know what about this story moved me so much. Maybe it was the picture of the sweet little girl with the caption "Love me. Love me. I'm not what you expected, but oh, please love me", maybe the writer's complete honesty about her feelings initially ("I want to run away") and how, despite the fact that her image of her perfect family was forever changed, she is now head over heels in love with her new girl. Maybe I felt some of the same kinds of feelings (Can I run away?) for my completely healthy and chromosomally correct daughter. And though it has taken me about about six months, and though she is still crying up in her nursery, I feel like all is well for my family.

I don't often post feelings like this, but give your loved ones an extra kiss tonight.


Melanie said...

These are the kinds of posts that make me feel more sure that I want kids someday. Not anytime soon. But someday.

Laurel said...

I love this post. :)

prashant said...
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